As I walked up to put a nappy in the large bear proof bin, I suddenly realised what people were talking about, why there was a look that some people got when we told them that we had sold our house, given up work and bought plane tickets and a bunch of camping stuff… we have just sold our house? It dawned on me that the little camp behind me is literally everything we have right now. Suddenly I got it, and I couldn’t help but laugh, it took me this long? The sheer absurdity and a cold fear suddenly gripped me. The whole thing was completely insane. I walked to the shower hut with a sense of foreboding. If we’d have only kept the house at least we’d have had something to go back too… I brushed my teeth and thought of terraced houses with cute back gardens… And we’re spending the money from selling our house on travelling across Canada? There is no job, no anything lined up at the other side… we don’t even know anyone. With two young children. This is LUNACY. Probably best not to think about it. How can I not think about it? God I want to speak to my Mum… That’s probably not a great idea now either, best wait until I’m in a better frame of mind…
I left the shower hut and as I walked in the evening light, caught sight of our little camp. Just as suddenly, my fear and feelings of absurdity started to dissolve. This is everything we have, right here, right now. This is everything we need right now. We have sold our house, and we’re using everything we had stored up in it to live, right now.
As we settled together into our cosy tent for our first night under the stars, our two boys all jarmied up, I knew again exactly why we are doing what we are doing.
For the crickets.
For the spaciousness.
For the uncertainty.
For the stars.